The body. As soon as I learned to read, it transformed from a boundless biological machine through which the soul interacts with the world, into a flat anatomical diagram. Heart, kidneys, liver. The exclamation point over the body changed to a colon, followed by scary words: appendicitis, arrhythmia, angina, heart attack, meningitis, tetanus… And then there’s Mom, always afraid you’ll fall, break something, cut yourself, catch an infection.
The body = fear. The body = traitor, only pretending to be your friend. In truth, you’re its hostage, and every step here is booby-trapped, sometimes fatally.
Is it possible to make a straw for myself, to be safe, to calm an already endlessly wandering nerve? — I’ve spent years building a security system, scanning my body for all sorts of threats. Measuring pulse, blood pressure, temperature, sugar levels, feeling my breasts, lymph nodes, abdomen, taking tests once a year. The illusion of control.
“Stay Well” is the cry of a girl who was afraid of her own heartbeat. A frightened child who had no one to tell about her fears. But at the same time it is sympathy and support for her, and also an attempt to answer the question: “Will I accept the fact that I will die someday?”.
Dummy of the book “Don’t Get Sick, Please” (2024)
